


if i fail you

by sadgorl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fix-It, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Remus Lupin Lives, Sirius Black Lives, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:01:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23240650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadgorl/pseuds/sadgorl
Summary: a collection of short stories about how remus lupin and sirius black are doing their best to raise their godson in a wartorn world.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 11





	1. that would be enough

Remus and Sirius were doing their best to make up for the lost time. between Azkaban, the first eleven years of harry’s life, and the second war, their godson hardly had the time to be a _child._ it was **unfair,** to say the least. harry never had the opportunity to grow up in a loving home, he never had parents or parental figures he could trust, and he spent a lot of time under the thumb of one of the most powerful wizards of his time, Albus Dumbledore. it wasn’t even a little bit shocking that harry came out on the other side with emotional turmoil, trauma, and stress. he had been the center point of a war from his first to seventeenth birthday, and that simply was unfair. Remus and Sirius thought they knew the manipulation of Albus Dumbledore well when they both gave themselves to his cause as a way to pay their debts from removing them from their various unstable home lives. however, when they finally got to see Harry, after so many years, they found that they had no concept of how much dumbledore could make someone feel he owed. 

Remus wondered just how much he had failed his would-be godson. Sirius, an innocent man imprisoned because no one cared to listen, had no hand in what harry experienced. however, Remus wondered repeatedly if he had done enough, fought hard enough, because he could never convince the ministry that he should have custody of the child. perhaps that was why right now Remus was in his attic, searching for anything that belonged to James that he could pass down to his son, while Sirius was looking for something in Diagon Alley for harry as some kind of posthumous birthday gift to James. because they _know_ that the only thing prongs would want from them is the best for his son, especially given the grief they all feel around march 27th. 

by the time Sirius has apparated back into their home, Remus has already descended into the sitting room, adding finishing touches to the book of wizarding photographs Remus has started to curate for their godchild. “alright, moony?” Sirius greets, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Remus's lips. the werewolf is _stressed,_ to say the least. it’s not that he thinks harry won’t be satisfied with the gifts, or the effort they’ve put into them, so much as he’s stressed that they’ve failed him once again by not appropriately commemorating his late father. Remus is convinced, at this point, that parenting is a series of failed tests in which one hopes that the child comes out a decent person at the end. harry has experienced so much grief and pain and suffering, and Remus just wants to do right by him. 

“fine. what’d you get him?”   
“I picked up some gloves for quidditch. since he’s a seeker, and James was a seeker.”   
“I think he’ll love them. he said he’d stop by after the mind healers today.”  
“alright. he’ll be here soon then, his appointment is over in twenty minutes.”  


Sirius wraps the pair of quidditch gloves in plain butcher paper, securing the package with a bit of string. they’re almost thankful that Harry has decided to go back to school for a final year, even though anyone would be thrilled to employ the boy who lived because it gives them just a bit more time of doting on their godson.   
“I'm worried about him, pads. he’s so young and he’s been through so much. are we doing enough?”   
“moony, we’re doing our best. sure, we probably mess up at least once a day. but we’re doing the best we can, and I think he knows how much we care about him, and we try to listen and do what he asks us to. I think that’s the best we can do.”  
“when’d you get so wise, pads?”  
“probably the 12 years in prison.” Sirius chuckles, although something about it seems far away like he’s not all there at that moment.   


when harry apparates into their flat with a loud _CRACK Sirius_ and Remus are leaning against one another on the couch. their godson’s eyes are rimmed with red and glassy, and Remus can’t help the way fear of failure and worry stab at his chest, but immediately, he and Sirius are scooting apart to make room for the boy. 

“love, what’s happened?” Sirius asks, but the boy simply shakes his head, sitting heavily on the couch between them.  
“we’re here for you when you want to talk about it,” Remus adds, reaching for the package Sirius had picked up.   
“We know this time of year is hard– so we put together some things for you. they’re yours when you want them. should I get you a cup of tea?”   
no sooner has harry nodded that Remus is up, heading for the kitchen to prepare his godson some tea. he can hear Sirius and harry talking quietly in the other room, and Remus can’t help the feeling of failure once more. why doesn’t he know what to say? he prepares harry’s tea how he likes it, with milk and two sugars, before returning to the sitting room. 

“here you go love.” he smiles, handing the cup off. harry takes it in one hand, and wraps his other arm around Remus. “i-i just wanted to say thank you guys for being here– for doing this. I appreciate you taking me in.” and for once, Remus feels the holes in his chest filling up with pride, and his heart swells with love. he may have let harry down by not being there, by not being able to take care of him, and he may continue to let harry down, by not knowing what to say or what to do, but to know that harry loves him and Sirius and that he cares about them just as much makes it all worth it. if they can take care of the boy, see him through this transitional period, it’s enough. sure, he might fail over and over, in fact, he can promise he will. but helping harry be healthy and happy whenever possible, with the skills to navigate relationships and life as a whole, that makes everything worth it. that makes it **_enough._**  


_“we love you, baby prongs.”_ and he means every word of it. 


	2. happy birthday, idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grief is a haunting, agonizing thing. it’s fickle and gloomy. but it’s a reminder of a love that once was. sometimes sirius, remus, and harry need a reminder of that. and that reminder comes when they spend the day celebrating their fallen brother, best friend, and father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this for james’s birthday and realized i never added it even tho it’s been posted on my tumblr for a minute so follow me @mvnvgedmischief on tumblr if u wanna see my writing when i actually write it ig??

when remus wakes up in the morning, he’s not shocked that sirius is already out of bed and in the shower. he knows what day it is, and he also knows that sirius takes long showers to cope with his feelings. it’s not something he wants to screw with. not when there are so many other, much worse ways he could be dealing with everything. so instead, remus takes a moment to collect his groggy thoughts, and rolls out of bed. he makes his way down the hall, clad in his dressing-gown and slippers, and tries to find the words for what he should say to harry. harry, who never got to know prongs. who never got to find out what a lovely person his father was, who never saw the fallen marauder who loved him. 

he makes his way to the kitchen to make tea, hands shaking with his own grief. it’s hard on him, to think about their last days together. prongs was the leader. he fearlessly led them through their school days and their pranks, he accepted remus when remus was sure no one would. he protected him– kept him from becoming a killer for fucks sake. he hosted christmas for the four of them, had them all over on holidays. in those short years between graduating from hogwarts and his death, prongs had become the glue of their friend group, and remus would never forgive pete for costing them that. when sirius walks into the kitchen, all sullen features and eyes red rimmed from crying, remus’s heart aches for him. he pulls his lover into his arms, with a whisper of comfort. he knows it hurts. sirius’s family, save for just remus and harry, is gone. he has nothing else. and he lost the two of them for so long. how is that fair? how is it fair that sirius has nothing left. how is it fair that pete took everything from them, everything, and when sirius returned from azkaban his home was empty. that’s fucking unfair, if you ask remus. but now, here they are. living together, holding on each other to make sure that they’re still there. 

“i miss him.”

”i know, pads. me too.”

that’s about all they need to say to each other, enjoying the comfort of being together in this trying time. mourning what they had lost in godric’s hollow that night hurts so badly. it’s even worse this close to easter holidays, when remus knows this was a time sirius spent at the potter’s home in their youth. when harry joins them in the kitchen, they pull apart– a leftover caution from their youth. but it’s been years. harry is sirius’s godson, there’s no world in which they should be concerned about being around him. especially not when today is a day about james, their best mate, the one that got them together. so remus reaches for sirius’s hand once more and gives it a light squeeze, almost as a reminder that he’s there. 

“harry, there’s a book of photos of your parents– uh james gave it to me on my birthday in eighty one– if you want to look through it or something, i wouldn’t mind.”   
“let us know when you’re ready to go to godric’s hollow.”   
“yeah, can we just– will you guys tell me about my dad?”

remus smiles gently at sirius, and the three make their way over to the couch. sirius begins, which remus only thinks is fair. the two had lived together. they were best friends, through thick and thin. “your dad was one of our best mates. he was funny, good at pulling pranks, and crazy about your mum. he was loyal and always looked out for people.”  
“when we were in school, he found out about my condition, and he and sirius did research for three years to become animagi, just to help me out.”   
“when i ran away from home when i was sixteen, he gave me a place to stay. and he loved puns. like a lot. fucking prat loved nothing more than a pun or a dad joke.”   
“really?”   
“he was a good person. just like you harry. it’s so unfair that you got so little time with him, but he would be so proud of you.”   
harry nods, taking a moment to open the photobook. sirius and remus take turn regaling the tales of their hogwarts days, and the missions sirius and james used to go on for the order. it’s a nice way to celebrate their fallen friends, and it brings harry much closer to his parents than he had been when he lived with the durselys. it’s nice to talk about his parents to the people that were friends with him, not just people that worked with him. it’s nice to hear people talk about his dad with as much love and appreciation as sirius and remus have for him.

they finally make their way to the potter’s graves, and sirius and remus are really trying to hold it together for harry. all three of them stand before it, glassy-eyed and haunted. harry places a snitch in front of the stone, and whispers, “happy birthday, dad.” sirius watches with a pain in his heart, and remus pulls the boy, the one they should have been able to raise, into an embrace. both remus and harry give him a moment, which sirius really needed. 

“happy birthday prongs. i know you would’ve loved to be here, to see your boy growing up. and i would’ve loved it too. i’m sorry. i should’ve known better, should’ve known not to trust pete. but fuck you bloody prat, i can’t believe you went and died on me. who said you could do that? we miss you. happy birthday, you bloody idiot.” 

when they leave, sirius feels like he can’t breathe. he’s glad remus can side-along apparate both him and harry, and the three of them sit down to some of james’s favorite sweets in celebration of him. 

grief is haunting, hard to deal with, and so unbelievably painful. but all three of them have done james proud with their small celebration. 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated! hit me up on tumblr @mvnvgedmischief


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